Already With the Birthday Head Games?

It really amazes me how naïve I am. I had my daughter at 35, thinking I was going in with at least some experience under my belt having watched friends and family raise children and deal with the nonsense that comes with interacting with other parents and the birthday shit they do. I thought “Oh, I totally know what I’m going to do when THAT situation comes up”. I was ready for the ridiculous first birthday parties complete with 60+ guests and hired performers, designed to meet the needs of attention seeking, narcissistic parents. I felt equipped to take on the parents who feel that you shouldn’t invite your child’s classmates to a birthday party without also inviting their older and younger siblings. The parent who complains that you took your child to the movies and only allowed them to invite one friend who wasn’t their child, and their child now has hurt feelings about it (when you know good and well their child could care less, it’s the parent’s pride that is hurt because they like to complete with the parent of the child you took to the movies... all because they have unrealized fantasies of being a “Real Housewife of…” and they have an imaginary camera crew following them around expecting non-stop drama), I knew I could handle!! I know, I know, classic, know it all, first time mom-to-be. CLUELESS! Either way, it seems there is a new passive-aggressive attention seeking birthday trend that I was not aware of. I have to admit defeat on this one, I was completely blindsided. I walked in to pick up my 5 month old from daycare last July and was surprised to find a gift in her cubby. I looked around a little confused and her daycare teacher, seeing my confusion and giving me a look that said “I know, I totally know why you’re confused, I don’t get it either”, says to me “It was Kandyce’s first birthday on Saturday”. I just said “Oh, how nice, she is giving OUT gifts on her birthday!”. I really wanted to say “Are you fucking kidding me? Do all the parents do this now or is this family just bat shit crazy?”. I let it go at that, thinking perhaps it was option #2. Nope. Three random FIRST birthdays since then I find a gift in my girl’s cubby. Well I’ll say three and a half, one was for little Emelya (not to be mistaken for “Amelia”), one for little Doyle and one for the twins – Kalyn (as feminine as that sounds – he’s a boy) and Grayson. What the fuck? Now I get it, I am a little different from most parents when it comes to birthdays my child is not yet aware of. When she is old enough to understand and remember a birthday and we’re able to discuss what she wants to do on her special day, I’ll be more than happy to engage, but what… the… fuck? So you couldn’t throw a birthday party for your one year old and invite every adult you already know to draw attention to yourself, you have to throw a “hey, look at me, I kept my child alive for a year” token out there so that those of use just minding our business, working, caring for our families and trying to keep up to date with our own family and friends’ birthdays and special days (and failing miserably) would have to awkwardly accept and feel like we owe you something in return? What do I do now? Run out and buy your child a belated birthday gift? Or do you expect ME to buy your kids gifts now on my kid’s birthdays? I don’t even know what to say other than, I’m sure I’ll see you in a few years at the t-ball tryouts where you’re campaigning for scoreless games and no winners or losers where every child gets a trophy for being the best. Until then, stay outta my way.