Ok, so I am stealing this one. A few years ago, Facebook had an app of the same name where you would pick the five things you hate that everyone else seems to love. Well, I liked it and Frankly, my answers haven’t changed that much in four years.
#5 – Bargain Shopping (Specifically for Clothing): Here’s the deal. I hate crowds. I hate messes. I hate hot places with unflattering lighting and people in public places tend to skeeve me out. I live in a place where there are four seasons. My time is valuable to me. Gas in my area this week was $3.90 per gallon. I have friends and family members who will spend 6 hours on a shopping spree going from store to store pilfering through boxes of wrinkled crap that thousands of other people have touched, trying to find an article of clothing for $4.00 that they won’t even be able to wear until next year, because the appropriate season for that item is over. If this is how you choose to have a good time, great. Perhaps you’re a size 0 or 14 and they always have your size left, but my sizes are very average and middle of the road the decent stores NEVER have them left even when they aren’t on sale. I don’t enjoy going to places like Kohl’s or Old Navy where everything is under $20.00 because I don’t enjoy purchasing clothes that are guaranteed to fall apart after two washes. Nope, I’m the one people shake their head at because I pay full price for everything like an idiot. I’d rather shop online where things are presented to me in a pretty manner on a pretty person and I know that while God-only-knows-who has touched the items to pack them, they most likely didn’t spend the prior six hours plodding along from store to store, changing diapers and using public restrooms that were not adequately stocked with soap for appropriate hand washing. (Yes, I wash my clothes before wearing them even when I shop online, it’s just a matter of principle).
#4 – “I’m Thankful For….” At the Thanksgiving Dinner Table: I don’t mind blogs, Facebook, Twitter posts where people post what they’re thankful for. Many times they seem sincere and I enjoy reading them. I even enjoy posting them. People are on their own while writing these things out via the social network and it’s left up to readers whether or not they want to pay attention to them. Readers are not forced to react with “awwwww” or forced laughter. However, a few years ago I learned that teachers in school often urge their students to suggest that their families participate in the round robin at the Thanksgiving dinner table where everyone has to say what they’re thankful for. I’d like to know, Teachers-who-recommend-this, what kind of sadistic people you are. You know what you’re doing. So, what, you have a couple kids in class with obnoxious parents who refuse to discipline their kids or think their precious little 8 year old pumpkins deserve a “good job” sticker for remembering how to use the toilet? Let me tell you something teachers, odds are that the extended families of these obnoxious parents don’t like them either and don’t want to hear the phony, contrived drivel that comes out of their mouths when they’re in their attention seeking glory. I’d like to recommend to your Principals that you give your students a homework assignment and make them video tape this, then it’s your job to provide a narrative of what occurred before grading this project. This way YOU can sit and listen to the drug addict in the family who cheats on his wife talk about how thankful he is for the sanctity of marriage and that in his state, this sanctity is still reserved for the heteros. You can listen to the woman who calls her husband a lazy fat whale in front of their small children all year talk about how thankful she is to have married her best friend who she admires more than God. Listen to the parent who sits and screams at their child during their little league games that they’re not playing well enough and spends $200.00 per week teaching their kid to become the next Jeter so they can live out their parent’s un realized childhood dream, talk about how grateful they are that their precious angel was born with such natural talent and a love for the sport of baseball. This is the payback you deserve. Good Luck - I hope you have a HUGE class.
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